Label the behavior not the child!
Bad behavior or bad child?
Bad situation or bad person?
Bad idea or bad person?
As adults, how it would feel if we were called good wife or bad wife, good husband or bad husband, good parent or bad parent, we may feel disturbed or upset about being labeled by our behaviors and performance. Then why do we say statements such as “You are a bad boy” or “You are a bad girl?”
Labeling or comparing children is not only bad but it is HARMFUL for them. As children change and develop but labels, unfortunately will stick forever. Labels or comparisons make it difficult for children to recognize their own capabilities and strengths in themselves.
We all are humans, not robots, children are human too. The mistakes they do is merely a result of them experiencing, exploring or discovering something new. Their behavior is result of being developing each passing day.
Instead of saying “He/she is good or bad “, take a pause and think “Do we really mean that person is bad?” or The behavior demonstrated by that person in that moment is bad? We should focus on discussing “WHAT is good or bad instead of WHO is good or bad “or HOW/ WHY that person has behaved in that particular manner.
Instead of making a good or bad blanket statement about a child, we should be specific what behavior is good or bad.
Many a times when we talk with children, we don’t realize what we are saying.
What are we supposed to do instead of labelling the child?
Remember EDS: Explain, discuss and be specific “What is good behavior and what is bad behavior”. Below are few examples of direct or indirect labeling a child and what can be said instead of comparing or labeling.
When we will be specific and precise about what it is good or bad, children will have a positive behavior and they will focus on developing their own strength instead of focusing / blaming their weaknesses!
Try to remember the meaning of the word “label”. It is just a piece of paper that is place on something in the supermarket to identify its content. It is used for marketing the product like tasty, tangy, spicy, hot, or chilly. Food labels are necessary as they inform us about the ingredients, allergies, cooking directions, manufacturing, and expiry date etc. Humans on the other hand are always learning, growing, and developing. What makes you is not your mistake that you may have done today. What makes you, YOU are a sum total of all your experiences. Therefore, it is important that when we talk to our children, we don’t make them permanent jars with labels.
To summarize, be cautious while using labels for children it can be both be hurtful and harmful especially when used negatively.
Everyone is born brilliant, beautiful, and wonderful in their way, let children create their own labels.